cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
