My balls are so social today.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
