Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
