I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
