Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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