hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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