Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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