My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
