The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
