I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
