dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
