i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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