i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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