Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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