Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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