And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize