i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Screwed.edu
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
