Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
