i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
