the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
