She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
