I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
