All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
