Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
