I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
