Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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