I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
