We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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