I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
