why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
