I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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