You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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