Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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