last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
