so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
