I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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