she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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