Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
