other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize