Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
