I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
