WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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