I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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