I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
