i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
