I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
