I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
