ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
