We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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