Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we're so committed to being not committed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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