Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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