What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
