the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
