After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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