Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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