I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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