Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize