True but thats because hes a fetus.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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