I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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