I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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