we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
