my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
