It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I need to align my fucking chakras
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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